“It was truly amazing. I am 42, he is 49 -- we were both divorced, both disillusioned, both courteous by nature and far too intelligent to get swept away....”

Nicole and Dale

After about six months of online dating, I had decided to give it up, not that I wasn't meeting nice men, but I wasn't meeting men that I really had a lot in common with. It wasn't the fault of the service I was using, it was mostly me being unable to seem "unkind" to anyone who contacted me. It just seemed to take so long to build enough trust and rapport to meet, and then we'd meet and fizzle -- no chemistry at all. And then, trying to be kind, it took forever to back out again after all those email chats. So, I discontinued my service and shut my profile down.

About a month later, my cousin, who'd been having great luck with Yahoo! Personals, sent me to Yahoo! to view the profile of a woman he was interested in so I could offer him some input. When I got to the home page, the current format welcomed me with "Hello, Nicole! Here are your top four matches for the day!" and showed four profiles with pictures.

"Ha!" I thought. "My top four matches based on what? My age and address?"

Number three looked cute

Giggling, I took a look -- and number three looked pretty darn cute. "Why not," I thought, "nothing else to do tonight and my cousin's match can wait." When I read number three's profile I was intrigued in spite of myself; he sounded a lot like me. He made it clear he wasn't expecting instant true love, but he did want to meet some people who shared his interests, and he had a wry sense of humor about his "high standards." He wanted an outdoorsy girl, and it seemed like he just couldn't find one. He didn't expect to fall in love but he did want to go backpacking.

That sounded just fine to me! I wrote him right then and there, throwing a profile together with nothing but the unvarnished truth (I was tired of the sales pitch approach!) and a few (good) pictures. (Okay, I was still trying a little.)

He answered the next morning with just a phone number, which normally would have turned me off right away, since I used to feel safe only after a prolonged correspondence. But, jaded me, I thought, "Fine! Cut to the chase!" and called him immediately, catching him at work and startling him considerably.

Cuting to the chase

Our schedules were such that the best day to meet was in just 24 hours -- another violation of my earlier Internet dating rules, but again I thought, why not? Why risk wasting my time? I had no intention of making the two hour drive to his location, after all I didn't want him to think I was desperate, but I really didn't want to meet a stranger in my small town, so I chose a meeting spot that took a little effort for both of us and he very graciously agreed.

It was truly amazing. I am 42, he is 49 -- we were both divorced, both disillusioned, both courteous by nature and far too intelligent to get swept away. That first "just for drinks" meeting turned into drinks, dinner, dancing on the restaurant's patio and a breathless, ridiculous, completely exhilarating kissing session by my car that had the two of us panting like teenagers and laughing at ourselves.

The next day he drove straight up to where I live with two kayaks strapped onto his SUV and we hit an alpine lake about an hour from my house with lunch in the fanny packs and our hiking boots in the dry bags. Now that is a date!

Why did it take so long?

By the time we returned from kayaking across the lake, hiking to another lake at 9,500 feet and kayaking back we were sunburned and exhausted and enchanted with each other. Twins separated at birth, and both of us wondering why it took so long and so much grief to find such an ideal companion.

It's been six months and then some and, at our age, that's enough time. You know who you are and you know what you want. He tells me every day how amazed he is and how I am 'like no other.' I tell him every day how perfectly he suits me and how wonderful he is. We both marvel that something like the Internet can serve to connect such kindred souls, who would never, ever have met each other in the course of everyday life. Our friends call us the "Internet Dating Poster Kids," since invariably the conversation moves to "How did you meet?" At our age most of our friends are long married, and the Internet dating scene seems bizarre to them, but we are living proof that sometimes, some magical times, it's the only way two people who need each other can find the way.

Tips from Nicole

• Be honest in your profile about yourself and what you want. Otherwise why bother? Think of it as the only chance you have to say what you really think without needing to "make nice." The beauty of the Internet is that it frees us, especially us women who are raised to be sweet and polite ("if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all"). And it saves a lot of time! I started out with a real sales pitch and realized it was working with all kinds of people I didn't want to know! Once I was perfectly real, warts and all, the responses I got were much more useful.
• Trust your gut. If something doesn't strike you right, believe in it. You don't have to explain or prove it or "cut them slack" or "try to understand" or anything else. There are a lot of freaks and liars out there.
• Be firm. Have criteria and insist on their being met. I developed several "deal breakers" and I never benefited from ignoring them. The biggest one was, no liars. Not about anything, not for any reason. I had one guy lie about his age and then tell me "I seem so young that if I told you the truth that would be more deceitful" -- I don't need to know anyone who can utter that sentence with a straight face. Another was, nobody got my phone number first (that was security -- I lived alone). If they wouldn't give theirs, they are probably married. Come up with your own criteria and stick to them.
• You won't know 'til you meet. Period. I have had fabulous, prolonged correspondence with people who turned out to be simply impossible on sight. I'm not talking looks here, but chemistry, attraction, that je ne sais quoi. Write or talk enough to feel comfortable but get them in front of you before you make any major decisions or say anything silly.

Do you have a love story to share? Let us know!

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