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About Dating & Relationships > Singles: Life & Times > What is the best way to politely end a conversation?
What is the best way to politely end a conversation?
We have all been in a situation that we have wanted to end quickly, like the first in-person date after chatting online. What is the best way to politely end a conversation with someone with whom you know there is no chemistry? -- Steve B., 28, Iowa City, Iowa
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Brent, 31, Dallas, Texas I'm very selective with regards to who I meet in person, so by the time we do finally meet, we usually have a relatively decent time. However, there was one occasion when a girl completely misrepresented herself in her profile and when we met I was...disappointed. I considered faking an illness or pulling the whole "my friend's car just broke down" trick, but instead I told her that I enjoyed meeting her but I didn't think we were a good match. It didn't go over as well as I had envisioned. |
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Cherie, 24, Chicago, Illinois There's really no truly pain-free way to do it, but I say something along the lines of "I like you, otherwise I would never have made the effort to meet you, but I gotta be honest, I'm not feeling any romantic chemistry." Yes, it does suck to be the bad guy and possibly bruise some poor girl's ego in the middle of a first date. However, I guarantee you it's better than suffering through the rest of the date, or saying you're going to call when you know you have absolutely no intention of doing so, or lying and leading her on. Be honest if you're not feeling that certain spark. If we were on a date and you said that, I would think you were crazy for not liking me (since I am so fabulous!) but I would appreciate the honesty and not think any less of you for it. |
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Brian, 25, Phoenix, Arizona I think it is the hardest because you want to be nice in this situation, but honesty is the best way to take care of the problem. Just tell them exactly what is on your mind. Good luck!! |
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Charlotte, 24, Phoenix, Arizona Well, it is hard to do, especially to one's face. First off, it is important to give it a little bit of time. Completing a portion of the first date at least is a starting off point, then you can say you gave it a try. Other than that, honesty is the best policy, even if you fudge a little, like by saying, "I don't really think we are right for one another." It is a gentle way of stating, "Hey, there isn't anything there. Let's not force it." |
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Corey, 28, Fort Wayne, Indiana When I'm talking to someone and I feel there is no chemistry between the two of us and I want to end the conversation, I like to let it be known. I'll let that person wind down with what they are saying and choose a time that I feel is best to start my conversation about not having chemistry. I'll simply tell that person that "even though I like you for this or that reason" we are better off being friends. I feel that being honest but respectful about the situation is the best thing to do. |
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Ruth, 49, Kennesaw, Georgia Even if there is absolutely no chemistry when meeting for the first time, everyone deserves to be treated with respect. See the situation through, listen attentively, then bring the conversation to a close. Thank the other person for the conversation and wish them well in their search. Women always appreciate honesty, when delivered in a respectful way. |
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Wes, 30, Bloomington, Minnesota In theory, it's probably best to be honest and simply say something to the effect that it's not working for you. People shouldn't expect that just because you're talking online that you've made a love connection. There's going be some disappointment. Lord knows I have a hard time with this one. |
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Michelle, 32, Rochester, New York I always meet for the first time for coffee. This is a quick and easy way to meet but without being stuck for a long time. I think that honesty is so important. I always tell people before I have even met them that I am looking for a certain chemistry and if I do not think it is there, I am up front and honest about it. I appreciate the same from someone as well. As long as it is not vicious and malicious insults on someone's character, I feel there is nothing wrong with telling someone, "Thank you for meeting me, you seem like a great person, but I just do not think that there is the chemistry for more than a friendship." |
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Scott, 43, Cedar Park, Texas Honesty is the best policy. I've been in that situation, on both sides, and I can tell you that it isn't easy. But it won't get any easier later. However, sometimes it's a good idea to take a second look. There must've been something to get you that far, and maybe the other person is just as nervous as you are and just needs to get comfortable around you. |
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Casey, 30, Denver, Colorado Honesty is the best policy. Wouldn't you want the same in return? Thank your date for meeting you and exit gracefully. There is no point in burning bridges!! |
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John, 35, Chicago, Illinois I think the best strategy would be to prepare beforehand. By this I mean set up the first date with a defined duration. For example, you could say I am busy this week, however, I would still like to meet you. I do have an hour free on (so and so) day. Would you like to meet for a drink so we can introduce each other? This approach is good because if things aren't going well, the date is over in an hour and there are no hard feelings. On the other hand, if things are going well, then who cares about the clock! |
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Nina, 22, Chapel Hill, North Carolina The best thing to do is tell them you are not interested. You don't have to get into the intricate details about why, but it is important you let them know up front. |
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Carl, 35, Foxboro, Massachusetts You have to tell the person in a polite and adult manner that it is simply not working out. You do not have to be specific because it may hurt the person, but if the person is persistent you can give a reason to end the issue. We also have to remember that we are adults and you should at least leave a message. It's the right thing to do. |
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Aubrey, 22, Wheaton, Illinois There's a fine line between being insensitive and tactful. I tend to be more of the passive type, so instead of frankly stating, "I don't think this is going to work out," my first reaction is to politely dismiss myself from the conversation. At this point there is no commitment involved; it's completely fine to say you have something you need to get to and say you hope to be in touch, you've enjoyed the conversation and excuse yourself. No heartbreak necessary, they won't miss a beat. |
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Doug, 30, Atlanta, Georgia I always say it is best to have a first date at a place where you can have one drink or a small snack -- never at your place!!! This way if there is no chemistry you can end the date much easier without seeming rude. |
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Elizabeth, 45, Batavia, Illinois If I've committed to a date, I'll stick it out. Then at the end of the date, there's always a chance to say something like, "I had a nice time, and you seem like a good guy, but I don't really think we're very compatible." Then I wish him well in his search for love, give him a hug and say goodnight. |
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Susan, 34, Atlanta, Georgia I believe honesty is always best. I think of how I would want to be treated if the situation were reversed. Common decency and respect seem to be in short supply these days, so simply saying you don't think you're a good fit for the long term is sufficient. Being honest but compassionate allows you to keep your character intact while not crushing the other person's ego. I tell my guy friends to think of how you would want your sister or good girlfriend treated in a similar situation. Take the higher road. |
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Christopher, 27, Charlotte, North Carolina I find that honesty is the best policy. It is always good to be nice and cordial without hurting anyone's feelings, but it is also appreciated that if there is no chemistry, one party is not feeling like there could be. It is best to establish the expectations as soon as you are able to recognize where things are going. |
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Lance, 37, Columbus, Ohio I lay the ground rules out first to take the pressure off of both of us. For example, I always tell the person that we are meeting as friends only, with no assumptions, and we can make the decision to go forward or nowhere at all at a later time. After the date/meeting, I tell them they can follow up with an email and let me know what their overall opinion is. You are more likely to get a truer answer if they are under less pressure. |
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Jessica, 26, Bordentown, New Jersey Well, if that person has made it to a first date with me, we must've had quite a few conversations online before meeting. Therefore, I give that person a chance, and the courtesy of making it through the first date. Then, if there's no chemistry, I call or email them the day after and give them direct yet sensitive reasons why we're not a match. Be honest! You're not obligated to someone after one date; remember you met on a dating web site. It only makes matters worse if you lead someone on. |
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Ryan, 25, Santa Monica, California I try to avoid long dates when first meeting someone. I learned that the hard way. Usually the first phone call or two can give you a good idea if you are onto a good thing; I try to avoid talking too much on the Internet because it's hard to get a sense for who the person is. I guess it's a little awkward at first talking to someone you barely know, but it definitely saves time in the long run because you can quickly decide if the person is worth pursuing. First dates I try to keep short, coffee or drinks, and let them know beforehand that you can't stay that long so it doesn't sound like you are just blowing them off, even if that's actually the case. I think it's important to always be polite and kind even if you know right away that it's not going to work out. |
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Amy, 38, Santa Clara, California If it's coffee, the bottom of the cup. If it's lunch, there is a built-in time limit. I say, "It was nice to meet you." If there is mention of getting together again, I politely decline and say, "There wasn't a connection for me." |
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Greg, 26, Fort Myers, Florida Blowing the person off is a very rude way of handling that situation. It's not easy, but it is better to just be honest with the person, telling them that you had fun, which is usually true, but you want to keep looking, or that you have some other people you have been talking to and want to see if anything develops with them. Or you can just get really drunk on the date and start telling the person that you think you love them. That should only be a last resort, and it has the potential to backfire, so use it with caution! |
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Kari, 29, Chicago, Illinois Of course, no one wants to hear that there is not an attraction or chemistry; yet, the best thing is to be up front and honest. Easier said than done, but telling him/her that you are just not "feeling it" is okay, and hopefully, if their maturity level is intact, they will appreciate your honesty and not take it personally. Just never say, "It's not you, it's me," okay??? (smile) |
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