![]() | |||
| < back to boston.com | Welcome | ||
| Home | Search | | Mailbox | Who’s Saved Me | Who’s Viewed Me | Create a FREE Profile | Subscribe |
The photo you choose for your profile can make or break your dating chances
By Jeff Cohen
Do you really need to include a photo with your profile to land dates online?
What do singles really look for when scanning through online photos?
How closely do photos resemble the real-life person who shows up for the first date?
Online photos represent cyber-first impressions and can make or break your chances of landing a first date. So what separates the great from the not-so-great photos? Thanks to interviews with Robert, Melissa, and Anthony, three active online daters, we have some answers.
"Photos are an integral piece of data that any person searching an online site would want to have," says Robert, a 34-year-old attorney from Danbury, Connecticut. "There's already so much you don't know about the person, without a photo, you know even less."
Melissa, a 27-year-old administrative assistant from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania believes photos are an absolute must. "I don't ever contact a guy who doesn't post a photo, no exceptions," says Melissa. "When it comes to online profiles, no picture equals no email from me!"
if you're thinking you create mystery and intrigue by omitting the photo, think again. |
So if you're thinking you create mystery and intrigue by omitting the photo, think again. It seems online daters will quickly move on to the next prospect if all they see is a written profile.
Should you post just one photo or include multiple shots? According to Anthony, a 26-year-old teacher from New York City, "multiple photos are better than just one shot. I look at the additional pictures to see how friendly or happy the person looks."
Robert and Melissa both agree with the multiple photo suggestion. "People tend to put their best looking photo first to catch your eye," claims Melissa. "When you get to see the other photos he might not be as cute as you originally perceived him to be." Robert agrees, adding "the more of the person that you see, the better you're able to figure out what they really look like."
So if your profile has just one photo, you're missing a golden opportunity to round out your story. Give your prospects multiple views and they'll get to see the total package.
"Full body shots!" says Robert. Apparently, this is not just a guy thing as Melissa prefers full length photos too. "If a guy only shows his head shots in all the photos then I'm thinking he may be hiding something."
You can also compare photos with the written profile to check for consistency. "I like to compare the photos to some of the things they mentioned in their profile," shares Melissa. "If he says he's really into fitness but looks overweight in his pictures, then he's not being truthful."
In other words, make sure your online photos back up the story you've told in your profile. Otherwise, your fellow singles will notice the inconsistencies and that just might cost you dates.
Do specific aspects of online photos make or break your chances? Absolutely! According to Robert and Anthony, the key is to come across as sexy and inviting with a confident smile. But don't go too far. "Party girl photos where they look like they're auditioning for Girls Gone Wild are a major turn off," says Anthony. For Robert, he just wants to see the woman alone in the photo. "I particularly don't want to see babies or grandparents. She's sending out the family vibe and it's too soon for that."
Melissa shares the female point of view. "Turn-ons are natural looking shots, a guy who looks comfortable in his environment, and a friendly face," says Melissa. "Turn-offs are super professional glamour shots, overly cutesy stuff like kissing a puppy, and pictures where there's clearly lots of alcohol involved."
Men and women may look for different characteristics in photos but it seems you can't go wrong with an inviting, comfortable look. On the flip side, don't go overboard and inadvertently turn-off your top prospects.
So you're 45 years old and your best picture is from ten years ago. Should you post the dated photo to attract more first dates? Or is it better to show the real you?
"I always go in with the mindset that they'll be one standard deviation below what they look like in their pictures," theorizes Robert. "That way, I'm not overly disappointed if they don't resemble their photo."
At times the real-life prospect is even better than the photo. "Sometimes they shock me by looking nothing like their photo and other times I'm pleasantly surprised by how cute they are in person," admits Anthony. All Melissa asks is that the picture is close enough that she could pick them out of a lineup. Now that would certainly be a date that went quite wrong!
"When I'm considering whether or not to contact someone, 95 percent of my decision is based on the photos," says Melissa. "If I don't feel an immediate spark from looking at the photos, I see no reason to contact them."
Anthony bases his decision 75 percent on the photo and 25 percent on the profile. "The truth is though, without a photo, the profile doesn't even serve a purpose to me." Robert equates the importance of the photo to meeting someone in a bar. "Let's be honest, you don't hit on someone because you think she looks like she has a great personality."
So it's not all about looks, but the emphasis on the photo certainly tells you it's the first critical step in making a great impression.
Does posting a unique or unusual photo help or hurt your chances of getting noticed? "I hate props," says Robert. "It's one of my deal breakers. I find it to be so cheesy and contrived." Anthony feels the opposite. "Props can be interesting because it provides you with a conversation starter or ice breaker."
Melissa won't be breaking this tie as she believes unique photos can go either way. "I'm really into soccer, so if I see a guy playing soccer in his photo, I might contact him. However, if I see a guy doing a keg stand, I'll move on to the next person."
So what's the bottom line? Props and unusual photos can help. Just make sure they communicate what you want others to know about you.
What about hiring a professional photographer to make you look like a movie star? "You're trying to put your best face forward and be perceived as attractive right out of the gate," says Robert. "Professional headshots can do that for you."
Melissa believes you run the risk of misrepresenting yourself. "Headshots are perfect images that you can't possibly live up to when you meet in person." Melissa believes the same goes for professional profile writers. "You might falsely communicate a certain style or personality that's just not you!"
So while we already know that overly glamorous looking professional shots are a no-no, getting some help to look your best is still okay.
When it comes to online dating, it's clear the photo is the gateway to the entire online experience. So listen to the advice of Robert, Melissa, and Anthony, and take your photo seriously. If you don't, your future boyfriend or girlfriend just might end up with someone else.
Jeff Cohen is the dating and relationship expert for About.com, the 10th most popular web site on the Internet. His latest articles on meeting someone new, online dating, getting serious, breaking up and engagement can be viewed at dating.about.com. Cohen has been a featured dating expert in major newspapers and TV shows including USA Today, New York Daily News, MSN Online and Voice of America.
See Jeff Cohen's ideas about making great first impressions online.
Got a different point of view? Tell us about it.
| © 2004 The New York Times Company |