What's important to you for a satisfying relationship?

Congratulations! You have taken the first step toward overcoming the single biggest problem people seeking a relationship have: they lack access to meeting quality new people.

Now you face two important tasks. Obviously you have to find the person you would like to have a relationship with. But you also have to prepare yourself for a successful relationship.

Studies of dating and relationships find that traits we otherwise think of as very important - such as our age, income, and education level - are completely unrelated to the likelihood of finding a satisfying relationship. What does matter is our perspective on our life and the world. People who build successful relationships believe they are capable, believe they are worth valuing. They are open-minded, willing to consider things from a new viewpoint. And, they focus on their long-term future and needs. Just being here shows you have these qualities.

Define Yourself, What You're Looking For

In searching for a potential relationship, you will need to define yourself and define what you are looking for. Your long-term perspective will help. It turns out that most of the traits that attract people to each other - the things that excite us - no longer matter to us a few months after a relationship begins. Instead, what sustains a relationship over time are respect, equality, friendship, and kindness. We know from studies of long-time married couples that what keeps their relationships strong is not high living or spectacular vacations, but a love they show on average days, expressed in average ways.

What does this mean when you are staring at an empty personals' box trying to explain who you are and what you are looking for? You just have to tell your story. Tell the story that shows your capacity for friendship, for kindness, for respect, for love. Tell the story that shows what you value in another person. Tell your story, but leave room for a new happy ending.

David Niven, Ph.D. is a psychologist and social scientist who teaches at Florida Atlantic University, and the bestselling author of "The 100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships," a volume in his "100 Simple Secrets" series, published by HarperSanFrancisco.