About Dating & Relationships > Tom Blake answers your questions about dating at 50+ (#11)

After three months of dating, is it too soon to tell a woman how strongly I feel for her and to ask her how she feels about me? I don't want to be impatient, but she is very inexperienced at dating, and she doesn't give me many signals on how she feels about me. I feel like I make all the moves. -- Robert P., 51, Willowick, Ohio

Robert, of course you'd like to know, but you don't want to frighten her off. You might say something like this, "We've been dating three months and seem to enjoy each other. How do you feel about being together and how do you feel about me? Do you see a future together?" I would ask those questions before telling her how strongly you feel.

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Photo request

What is the proper way to ask someone to post a photo or two without making them feel you are more interested in what they look like rather than who they really are as a person? -- Henry Z., 61, Morro Bay, Calif.

Henry, don't ask to see a photo first thing. Chat a bit and see if there's a mutual interest. Then, after establishing that there is, offer to post your photo and ask her to post hers. That makes sense. Neither of you would want to go on and on not knowing whether there's an attraction. So exchanging photos fairly early is important.

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Rearing grandchildren

I am among the growing number of older adults who are rearing their grandchildren. The problem I face is that most men my age are not interested in someone tied down with children. Do you have any suggestions? -- Bonnie W., 57, Wis.

Bonnie, first, you are to be commended for raising your grandchildren. That is a measure of you and the quality person you are. You're right, most men won't want to get involved, as they've "been there, done that." However, that doesn't mean all men won't get involved. Perhaps there's a man who's involved in a similar situation as yours, who would want to share what you're doing. Or a man who is so crazy about you that he's willing to accept your situation. The important thing is don't give up hope. Just keep your expectations in check and know that finding a mate will be a challenge.

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The package or what's inside?

I know that I am not the prettiest package under the tree, and I am overweight. It bothers me that the men out there looking are more interested in the packaging than they are in the contents. How do I remain hopeful of finding people who are more interested in what's inside? -- Marcella S., 52, Beaverton, Ore.

Marcella, unfortunately, people often put too much emphasis on the packaging and not what's inside. That's pretty much the dating scenario. Be honest and look for a mate who is in a similar situation as you. Also, start taking better care of your health by losing weight and exercising. You will feel better, look better, and be healthier. Then watch how people's perception of you changes rather dramatically.

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Sexual health

What are some of the best ways to ask a potential mate about their sexual health? -- Steven H., 52, White Bear Lake, Minn.

Steven, before asking about sexual health, get to know the person somewhat to see if sex would ever become a factor. Then if there's an attraction, say, "We seem to enjoy each other. Can we discuss a topic that is a little uncomfortable but very important?" Be honest with each other. Agree to both being tested for diseases and HIV, which can lead to AIDS, before becoming sexually involved. The fasting growing segment percentage wise of the population to be infected with STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) is over the age of 50. Older singles need to protect their health.

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Tom Blake has written more than 600 newspaper columns on middle age dating and relationships. His "Single Again" column is featured in the Orange County (Calif.) Register. Tom is the author of two books: "Finding Love After 50: How to Begin. Where to Go. What to Do" and "Middle Aged and Dating Again." He has made multiple appearances as a keynote speaker at national AARP conventions and as a dating after 50 expert on the NBC show, Today. Sign up for Tom's free weekly "Finding Love After 50" e-letter, read previous columns or order books at www.findingloveafter50.com.

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